I am a vegan at home, but if I am invited to someone's house for dinner, the last thing I am going to do is make a stink. I will have a small portion of meat to be gracious. By not eating meat, we make a good impact on the earth, but it is an overall effect. By not eating a small amount of meat when we are invited over to someone's house for dinner, we really don't effect the planet much. The meat has already been cooked. If it is not eaten, it will be wasted. I figure that if I refrain from wheat and dairy 99% of the time, the effect on the planet is similar, without the offending of friends who invite me to dinner. this is just my take

As a long-time vegetarian (I've been vegan and macrobiotic, too, over the years), I appreciate the sense of social isolation in some situations that comes from eating differently from every one else. That's one reason I've gone back and forth over the years, from vegetarian back to meat-eater, from macrobiotic to preferred vegetarian and so on. But I've finally made a life decision to be vegetarian (lacto-ovo - hold the rennet) so no more going back to meat for me, even though that means I've had to give up my mom's amazing homemade meat-on-a-stick which she often serves as a traditional part of our holiday meals. That's when I knew I was ready to do this once and for all, when I was ready to let that traditional family dish go. But -- and this is important -- that doesn't mean letting tradition or family go, or other special social occasions and over the years, I've gotten much more comfortable with it, and discovered a few things that really help with the social side. Maybe this approach will help: -- if I'm invited to dinner at someone's home or to a restaurant and someone doesn't know I'm vegetarian, I say I'd love to, etc., and then I also add up front, in a self-deprecating manner, that I should just let them know I'm a bit "difficult to feed," i.e., I'm vegetarian. At that point, I let them know I don't expect them to go to any extra trouble on my account, but that in my experience what works best is if I bring something myself (usually a bean salad or tempeh loaf, which I make enough of to share with everyone) as my contribution to the meal. This goes over very well as it doesn't create extra work or worry for the host, and I make sure the recipe I bring is yummy for everyone's tastes. With my family, we've converted to having potluck meals. The plus side of this is that some people discover wonderful new vegetarian dishes that they like and I often get requests to bring this or that or to share my recipes. This way the meal remains about sharing and socializing, and not about deprivation - i.e., nobody has to feel I'm deprived by my not eating meat or that they have to be deprived by changing their eating habits for me, but we sit down and share together and everyone can partake as they wish. If we're going to a restaurant, I know which ones have menu items I can enjoy (even if it's just pasta) and I suggest 2-3 choices, one of which usually works for everyone - again, no sense of deprivation. Most restaurants have at least one item on the menu that is essentially vegetarian or that can easily be adapted into a vegetarian meal. When I've had to attend company dinners or parties with set menus, I phone the restaurant or caterer myself in advance and let them know I'm vegetarian, give them some ideas about what I can eat to help them out, and have enjoyed lovely meals on those occasions, too. I used to feel really awkward doing that, but have had so many good experiences and outcomes, I'm okay with it now. Chefs are trained to understand and handle different dietary requirements and are usually happy to use their expertise that way, I've discovered. Just make sure when you do that to dish out lots of appreciation to them for the extra effort, without making a big deal out of it. If there's somewhere I have to be that includes a meal and I know there's simply no way to get something I can eat, I eat before I go and nibble on whatever I can manage while I'm there. Again, I'm not feeling deprived and being well-fed before I go (or even carrying a snack I can eat as soon as I leave), I can focus on the social part and enjoy that as much as ever. Hope this helps a little to reframe this not as a difficult chore or awkward social situation or deprivation, but as sharing and appreciation. I've found MY being comfortable with the way I eat has helped others be comfortable with it, too - it's truly a non-issue now (it took years to get here, though, but well worth it!) I can eat according to my values and have an enjoyable social life with carnivores, too! Yes, being vegan/vegetarian/macrobiotic means being prepared to cook but one of the best ways I've found to keep up with being vegetarian in a town that doesn't have any vegetarian restaurants is to make big batches of something (usually bean soups) and freeze them. That way on those days when I'm not up to cooking, I can still grab a healthy, homemade meal out of the freezer. To sum up, I guess I'm saying the secret is to prepare in advance to accommodate this way of eating and to let your hosts know in advance - they feel as awful as you do if they're scrambling around, having found out only once you've arrived you have different eating requirements. Let them know - politely and privately - in advance and as good, polite hosts themselves, they'll WANT to accommodate you. Once you're there, things go smoothly, shouldn't be a big deal, and doesn't have to become a political, lefty, brash thing to do, just a personal choice, no need to even discuss it, just enjoy connecting socially. Like I said, it took me years to arrive at this level of comfort and to discover what works but it's so easy now, I wonder why I thought it was difficult before. Hope things get easier for you, too. Good luck with this!

That sounds great! Good lick to your mother. :)